This week has been insane - and not in a good way.
Kieran had a horrible start to the week. After a few solid months of improving behavior, we hit a huge backslide when Kieran began hitting his classmates on Monday. It continued Tuesday. Wednesday, I got a call from the assistant principal - he was not allowed to go to the field trip Thursday and they recommended we create a 'task force' style approach to getting him out of this behavior. Basically, have him see the school psychologist.
I HATED the school psychologist growing up. Was sent there after some creative writing assignments upset the teacher (hey, I was an imaginative kid) and I never understood it and didn't like the person. The idea of sending Kieran to that gives me a lump in my throat, but I don't know what more we can do.
We've talked with him about the golden rule - treat people the way you wanted to be treated. Ask him things like "would you like it if so-and-so hit you?" and the answer is always "no". Then is it OK that you hit? "No"
But he keeps doing it.
According to the teacher he's the only one in the class who is hitting. She's worried that one day someone will hit him back (hard). She and I are starting to believe it may be the only thing that breaks through. We take away toys. We take away privileges. We make him write lines. We banish him to his room until dinner and then straight to bed after. Nothing seems to faze him.
Wednesday night I sat with him after Ken had an even worse day (car hit, ran out of gas, etc) and asked why he was hitting his classmates.
"I want them to look at me and laugh at me."
"You want their attention?" I ask
"Yes."
Hmmm. OK, at least we're getting somewhere. We talk about ways to gain friends and that hitting people is doing the opposite of his intention (make friends).
Thursday he sits with the Kindergarten class. He LOVES it. He learns new things, is very energized and had a WONDERFUL day behavior-wise. This goes back to Ken's theory which is that Kieran has been bored this past year. Unfortunately, I did not feel comfortable asking him to get moved up because I did not believe (and rightly so, given his behavior) that he was socially ready for the next grade up. Perhaps one day he may skip a grade, perhaps not. But at least we had a turnaround. And, I am hopeful, that we'll have more improvement as Ken & I work harder to give Kieran some weekend playdates, more time with his friends outside of school, and more time with us that isn't 100% focused on the baby. So glad the story ended on a better note. Fingers crossed he had a good day today as well.
2 comments:
Oh, man. I feel your pain (and joy in the redemption). And I'm glad you have some kernel of knowledge to help attack the situation. Well done!
I think it's interesting that no one really tells you how hard parenting is when you talk about having kids.
They might talk about sleepless nights and how to handle teething but for the "big stuff" they gloss over it with a glib remark about how, "it's all worth it" or, "but my kids bring me so much joy."
And not that those things aren't true, but the whole truth is that sometimes it just plain sucks.
Here's what I try to remember when my little Napoleon is pushing my buttons -- it's his JOB to fight with me and establish his own knowledge and experience. How else will he actually know right from wrong? I wish more than anything he would just listen to my shared experience, but alas, he has to learn it on his own.
Keep up the good fight.
Thanks. This helps, even if it means I have to take 5 deep breaths before responding to his endless questions... or before asking him yet again to get ready for school...
He'll thank me for being such a crazy and dedicated mom someday... I hope.
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