My Little Brony

So, Kieran may never live this post down, but I'm doing it anyway. In our never-ending search for things that both kids will watch, we came across the newly-revamped My Little Pony. Kieran became a quick addict of it and went back to watch the show from it's (new) beginning a few years ago via Netflix. Mia's OK with it, but not as excited.

When I asked him why he liked it, he talked about the fact that he's probably the only boy who does like it. Which is when I explained the term Brony to him and assured him he was not alone in liking the show. But he hadn't answered my question... just what did he like about it? The adventures, he repsonded.

I thought about it. The show does have a bit of a D&D quality to it. Each team member has their own special power/ability/contribution and each epsiode they have a quest or problem to resolve. If it wasn't in pink and purple shades, I'd bet more boys would flock to it. I love my son for liking what he likes - making no bones about it. He knows he could be teased for it, and he doesn't care. I love that about him.

On another note, we had our second meeting with his new doctor. He's given us some games to play with Kieran - ways to keep track of his anger issues and ways to work on his concentration/attention. Kieran likes the game that Ken came up with - a Sherlock Holmes style game where we have him turn around and then close his eyes. We'll ask him questions like 'how many blue cars did you see?' he loves this game and requests we do it (and then it's my or Ken's turn).

The doctor also said that Kieran fencing is OK because it does not use hitting or punching. If Kieran is able to control his temper throughout the summer at karate camp, we can discuss re-starting his martial arts lessons.

He's had a few good weeks - a bit of craziness, but nothing with a huge blowout. We'll keep at it and see how it goes. Just found out that the teacher he was dying to have as his 2nd grade teacher is going back into the PreK rooms. He was not happy, but understood this was something out of everyone's control. And that maybe his sister would then be able to have her as a teacher, and he liked that idea.

OK back to work for me.

Following Up

Several people have reached out to me (Thank you one and all) to remind me that what is going on with Kieran is not mine or Ken's fault. That we're doing the good parenting job of finding help and addressing this issue now instead of later.

Anyway, we had our first appointment but haven't really had a full-on counseling session as of yet. Kieran likes the doctor (and so do I). He seems nice enough and is definitely trying to get a sense of everything that's going on.

Kieran's got another appointment this Thursday and it's killing me that I can't be there. So far, since his appointment, he's been pretty good overall. Had one red day last week but the rest were green and role model (parents will know what I'm talking about).

With all that going on, we're also remodeling our kitchen - ugh. I can't wait to cook a meal again!

Putting It Out There

I'm having an insane day. I'm watching/managing a virtual event, responding to ongoing chats, hosting presentations, posting recorded presentations and watching Facebook because that's how I can communicate with Ken.

And, on this continually crazy day, Kieran had another incident at school. Thankfully, they are not suspending him, but he has 2 days of detention. He was disrespectful to the janitor - again. I'm frustrated and upset and more than at my wits' end here. We've set Kieran up to have an appointment with a therapist. We mentioned it to him before, but now we do have an appointment on the books. It's scary and frustrating and feels like failure.

I struggled with whether or not to blog about this. I don't want him labeled as a 'troubled' kid. I know that as he grows older that it is possible that people will be able to view this content and, perhaps, use it against him. But I want our culture to change. I want people who go to therapy, who get help, NOT to have a stigma attached to them. So, I'm starting with my own kid. Who is awesome and wonderful. But who also has issues that we as parents have not been able to help him curtail.

He does things like sit with his sister and keep her occupied so we can put dinner on the table. Or he'll ask her to chase him when she's getting clingy or hug her for no reason at all. He wants to help animals of all kinds. To be a superhero. To fight bad guys. To play with his friends (he set up his own playdate last weekend).

He also does things like this. Where he is disrespectful, hurtful and mean. He can throw punches, push and get so angry he can't talk. We began reading a book about controlling his anger, but I'm not 100% sure that anger management is really the issue.

So, soon he'll go and meet with someone who I hope can help us all. Because this, these gut reactions, aren't good for him. They aren't good for us. And I know he is capable of so much more. I don't expect him to be perfect 100% of the time - no one is. But this is a recurring issue enough that I feel we haven't gotten through to him.

And it's OK for us (and him) to ask for (and get) help. There is no shame in this though I feel horribly failed as a parent that I cannot help him. But I hope to feel empowered once we have some new strategies and ideas from the therapist.

I hope anyone reading this who is considering help thinks about what they want for themselves (or their kid) long-term. And I hope it helps.

Frustrating but Still Wonderful

I've been remiss in blogging, but in my defense things have been insane. My grandmother died at the end of February and while it was not 100% unexpected the 'business of death' was. The going through of the things, the figuring out what goes where. Making sure my mom did not have to do this alone. Many commented on my help and my response was the same - just because my mom was an only child does not mean she should have to do this alone.

At times it was hard, getting rid of things we knew meant much to her but would not mean as much to anyone else (the 5 or 10 years worth of knitting magazines she had) was hard. Finding about 20 different pairs of gloves - 1 in EVERY jacket as well as several others, including opera gloves she had not worn in 15 years was funny (as was the balled up tissues found everywhere). I kept a few things, Kieran actually asked for a few things as well and I am happy to have them in my house. I wear a necklace that she did nearly every day and it makes me smile.

So there was that.

Kieran's up and down temperament came to a head when he punched a teacher. Yes, you read that right. So, we're at our wits end and have reached out to get additional support. It is frustrating and feels like we have failed him as parents, though I know that we have done what we can. He knows what to do, but his temper just gets the best of him. Hopefully, a fresh set of eyes and ears will help us and put Kieran on a path to better behavior overall and less physical reactions. I cannot begin to express how upset I am at the whole thing, but I am trying to look forward and not backwards.

Amelia's doing well, though very defiant. She's getting somewhat better (though I admit the difference is microscopic, at best) but she still responds with "no" a lot. She gets the "I wasn't asking" response from me a lot. A daddy's girl at heart, she will let Ken comb her hair without issue. But I put a comb to her head and you would think that I was hurting her just by holding it in my hand.

This past weekend was Ken and my 17th wedding anniversary. Ken went to a tournament in Cleveland. Originally, we were all supposed to go and I was going to take the kids to see a friend, but unfortunately that fell through. Though, after sitting in the car with Amelia for an hour and a half on Friday (traffic) I can honestly say I am grateful for how it played out. Ken came home Sunday and we celebrated at a restaurant. It was fun and quiet.

Because Ken was gone, I ran the kids ragged all weekend - Friday night after school/work Kieran had a good day so we went to the rec center's Fun Friday. Mia was so tired afterwards she didn't even want bedtime stories, just a chance to sleep. Saturday we spent an hour and a half at the playground, followed by lunch, followed by the Fairtale Festival at the main branch of the library (which requires a bus ride). By the end of the day, Mia again was exhausted (so was Kieran) but both had a great time. Saturday night, however, was AWFUL. Amelia slept fine from 7-10 pm but was then up off and on until 2:30 AM. She woke up at 6. I had to get up at 5 to be sure I could shower before the kids woke up. So I was no fun on Sunday. There was a lot of yelling involved until Ken got home and I could get Kieran out of the house (Mia refused to go anywhere after shopping, but also would not nap for me). Some time at the playground followed by the dinner out was just what the doctor ordered. Everyone slept well last night.

Now, back to our crazy everyday lives. Sorry it's been awhile. I still need to post some newer pics of the kids. I will endeavor to do that in the next month.

Book Love

This past weekend we went to our library. We had about 10 books to return, I needed a book club book (and to pay off my fines!), and the Friends of the Library was having a book giveaway/book sale.

So, we get there and as usual, Kieran makes a beeline for the computer to go play games. I let him do that for about 5 minutes before I cajole him downstairs to look at the books. We can each take two free books as well as purchase any additional books for 50 cents each. Kieran quickly finds four books he wants. Mia looks at all the books, talks to all the people there and then picks up a book that has a purple cover. I try to convince her to find another book, but no.

So, given that it is free, I let her take the (Shadowrun, Book #3) tome with her. All weekend long she refuses to let it out of her grip and on Sunday begins to 'read' it to us. It's a book about pirates, Ariel, dogs or whatever strikes her fancy. She sits with it open, looking at the words on the page and says "Mom, I need to show you this." and points to a page. "It's a dark cave." or "Look at the pirate."

The book is falling apart - and I don't care. It's convinced me that once this book is beyond repair we'll probably have to take her down to our used book store and let her pick out a book that's a few dollars and do it all over again. I want to instill her love of reading.

Kieran reads very well, but he only wants to read a few things - and games win out over reading. I have about six books on order from the library for him, and I would be that he'll run through them very quickly because once he starts a book, it's very fast for him to finish. It's getting him to start that's at issue.

Anyway, just some kid stories to share.

Feh! (A Tribute to Mutti)

My grandmother passed away last week. She was 95. I am exceedingly lucky to have had as many years as I did with her. While she could be difficult, I know she loved me very much.

I'm certain that Kieran's memory of his Oma will fade over time. She kept shushing him and asking him to sit still (not something that he did easily until this past year - and then only with a book or device in his hands). Sadly, Mia will likely not remember her at all, though she has been asking to see her almost daily. I hope that they will at least remember that she loved them, loved their visits and smiles - even if she wanted them to do it quietly.

Mutti (as I called my grandmother) was feisty. A word often used by the staff at Roland Park Place, likely in lieu of 'difficult' or 'pain in the ass' to describe her. As she aged these past few years, she grew more docile. Frankly, the more agreeable she got, the more I worried for her health. And yet the last time I visited her, though she barely spoke and was obviously week, I thought to myself how beautiful she looked. I will carry that memory with me like a treasure.

Her stories are legendary and, while they changed over time, I know that she lived the truth of them. From being robbed on a train and helped by strangers in France (I think) to living in a house of ill repute that would tell her when raids were coming. She was progressive in many ways - she lived 'in sin' with my grandfather for many years and finally proposed to him (spoiler - he said yes). She worked, she volunteered and knitted. While the yarn gene seems to have skipped my mom, I definitely got it and the overall creative gene lives on in my niece, Becca.

I think the thing I'll remember most is the fact that I was (OK, am) such a picky eater that her favorite refrain for me was "Feh! You don't know what's good!" in response to whatever it was I had refused to eat. I'm a significantly more adventurous eater than I was as a kid - but even then I tried things like beef tongue. She cooked a variety of things because my grandfather was a human garbage disposal, he even ate apple cores. Now that I have a picky eater of my own, I will pick up the mantle of forcing him to try a lot of things. I may keep the "Feh!" but I think I'll let him decide for himself what's good.

I'll miss you, Mutti for now and always.

Sibling Stuff

This month has been a whirlwind of activity, sickness, new endeavors, new jobs and just general craziness. Amelia has been on a "Mommy" kick since I got back from my trip, which means Kieran has not gotten as much time with me as either of us would like.

Ken has started his own law practice, we both got sick, Kieran got sick, Mia got sick, we had my brother's birthday, Kieran's birthday and a lot of other crazy things. A few things come to mind since last I posted. Kieran (well, mostly me and Ken) raised $635 for the Carrie Murray Nature Center. Kieran's birthday party there was a blast - everyone who said they were going to come did (even with the snow). As a thank you for raising funds, Kieran received a vial of Iberian wolf fur. There are something like 300 of those wolves left in existence. He treasures that.

Here is he with Cupcake the snake. I have a photo of me & Mia holding the snake but it comes out sideways.

See?

Anyway, PJ (who works there and gave us a talk about animals) was the one who got the fur for Kieran. They were really impressed with his giving up gifts in order for the center to get the money.

So, that's Kieran's party. We've all been in somewhat of an ongoing state of sleep deprivation because of sickness (ours, the kids) and though I thought we'd finally come out of it, lo-and-behold last night Kieran had a nightmare that sent him upstairs to us. Ken had him sleep next to him all night (which is never a good night's sleep) and this morning we woke up late. After rushing through my shower and getting dressed, I hear Kieran downstairs in Mia's room. As I walk in her door, I see Mia on the floor, mostly naked with one sock on, Kieran's trying to get the other one on and he's already got clothes laid out for her. He's dressed himself and ready for school.

It was very sweet of him. He wanted to help because he knew that Ken and I were rushing around, late. Even after I was able to help, Kieran wanted to finish what he'd started by getting Mia's shirt on and I finished up with her pants, etc. Mia wanted Kieran to finish getting him dressed (she LOVES him and whatever Kieran is doing, she wants to do - hence the snake handling), but I was in a rush and couldn't wait - plus I think Kieran was ready for me to take over.

Even though he's been angry with her for bogarting my time, he thought enough to help her get dressed. I do hope this love continues throughout their lives. I know they'll piss each other off, that's normal, but underneath I hope there is always this type of love.