Thursday, April 24, 2014

Putting It Out There

I'm having an insane day. I'm watching/managing a virtual event, responding to ongoing chats, hosting presentations, posting recorded presentations and watching Facebook because that's how I can communicate with Ken.

And, on this continually crazy day, Kieran had another incident at school. Thankfully, they are not suspending him, but he has 2 days of detention. He was disrespectful to the janitor - again. I'm frustrated and upset and more than at my wits' end here. We've set Kieran up to have an appointment with a therapist. We mentioned it to him before, but now we do have an appointment on the books. It's scary and frustrating and feels like failure.

I struggled with whether or not to blog about this. I don't want him labeled as a 'troubled' kid. I know that as he grows older that it is possible that people will be able to view this content and, perhaps, use it against him. But I want our culture to change. I want people who go to therapy, who get help, NOT to have a stigma attached to them. So, I'm starting with my own kid. Who is awesome and wonderful. But who also has issues that we as parents have not been able to help him curtail.

He does things like sit with his sister and keep her occupied so we can put dinner on the table. Or he'll ask her to chase him when she's getting clingy or hug her for no reason at all. He wants to help animals of all kinds. To be a superhero. To fight bad guys. To play with his friends (he set up his own playdate last weekend).

He also does things like this. Where he is disrespectful, hurtful and mean. He can throw punches, push and get so angry he can't talk. We began reading a book about controlling his anger, but I'm not 100% sure that anger management is really the issue.

So, soon he'll go and meet with someone who I hope can help us all. Because this, these gut reactions, aren't good for him. They aren't good for us. And I know he is capable of so much more. I don't expect him to be perfect 100% of the time - no one is. But this is a recurring issue enough that I feel we haven't gotten through to him.

And it's OK for us (and him) to ask for (and get) help. There is no shame in this though I feel horribly failed as a parent that I cannot help him. But I hope to feel empowered once we have some new strategies and ideas from the therapist.

I hope anyone reading this who is considering help thinks about what they want for themselves (or their kid) long-term. And I hope it helps.


MsJoanie said...

There is no shame in asking for, and getting, the help you need. Hang in there mama. You're not a failure. Failure would be doing nothing, or not caring.

Jana G said...

Thanks, Joanie. I know it's not failure and it shouldn't FEEL like failure either. Which was kind of my point. I hate that our culture vilifies getting or asking for help.