Putting It Out There

I'm having an insane day. I'm watching/managing a virtual event, responding to ongoing chats, hosting presentations, posting recorded presentations and watching Facebook because that's how I can communicate with Ken.

And, on this continually crazy day, Kieran had another incident at school. Thankfully, they are not suspending him, but he has 2 days of detention. He was disrespectful to the janitor - again. I'm frustrated and upset and more than at my wits' end here. We've set Kieran up to have an appointment with a therapist. We mentioned it to him before, but now we do have an appointment on the books. It's scary and frustrating and feels like failure.

I struggled with whether or not to blog about this. I don't want him labeled as a 'troubled' kid. I know that as he grows older that it is possible that people will be able to view this content and, perhaps, use it against him. But I want our culture to change. I want people who go to therapy, who get help, NOT to have a stigma attached to them. So, I'm starting with my own kid. Who is awesome and wonderful. But who also has issues that we as parents have not been able to help him curtail.

He does things like sit with his sister and keep her occupied so we can put dinner on the table. Or he'll ask her to chase him when she's getting clingy or hug her for no reason at all. He wants to help animals of all kinds. To be a superhero. To fight bad guys. To play with his friends (he set up his own playdate last weekend).

He also does things like this. Where he is disrespectful, hurtful and mean. He can throw punches, push and get so angry he can't talk. We began reading a book about controlling his anger, but I'm not 100% sure that anger management is really the issue.

So, soon he'll go and meet with someone who I hope can help us all. Because this, these gut reactions, aren't good for him. They aren't good for us. And I know he is capable of so much more. I don't expect him to be perfect 100% of the time - no one is. But this is a recurring issue enough that I feel we haven't gotten through to him.

And it's OK for us (and him) to ask for (and get) help. There is no shame in this though I feel horribly failed as a parent that I cannot help him. But I hope to feel empowered once we have some new strategies and ideas from the therapist.

I hope anyone reading this who is considering help thinks about what they want for themselves (or their kid) long-term. And I hope it helps.

Frustrating but Still Wonderful

I've been remiss in blogging, but in my defense things have been insane. My grandmother died at the end of February and while it was not 100% unexpected the 'business of death' was. The going through of the things, the figuring out what goes where. Making sure my mom did not have to do this alone. Many commented on my help and my response was the same - just because my mom was an only child does not mean she should have to do this alone.

At times it was hard, getting rid of things we knew meant much to her but would not mean as much to anyone else (the 5 or 10 years worth of knitting magazines she had) was hard. Finding about 20 different pairs of gloves - 1 in EVERY jacket as well as several others, including opera gloves she had not worn in 15 years was funny (as was the balled up tissues found everywhere). I kept a few things, Kieran actually asked for a few things as well and I am happy to have them in my house. I wear a necklace that she did nearly every day and it makes me smile.

So there was that.

Kieran's up and down temperament came to a head when he punched a teacher. Yes, you read that right. So, we're at our wits end and have reached out to get additional support. It is frustrating and feels like we have failed him as parents, though I know that we have done what we can. He knows what to do, but his temper just gets the best of him. Hopefully, a fresh set of eyes and ears will help us and put Kieran on a path to better behavior overall and less physical reactions. I cannot begin to express how upset I am at the whole thing, but I am trying to look forward and not backwards.

Amelia's doing well, though very defiant. She's getting somewhat better (though I admit the difference is microscopic, at best) but she still responds with "no" a lot. She gets the "I wasn't asking" response from me a lot. A daddy's girl at heart, she will let Ken comb her hair without issue. But I put a comb to her head and you would think that I was hurting her just by holding it in my hand.

This past weekend was Ken and my 17th wedding anniversary. Ken went to a tournament in Cleveland. Originally, we were all supposed to go and I was going to take the kids to see a friend, but unfortunately that fell through. Though, after sitting in the car with Amelia for an hour and a half on Friday (traffic) I can honestly say I am grateful for how it played out. Ken came home Sunday and we celebrated at a restaurant. It was fun and quiet.

Because Ken was gone, I ran the kids ragged all weekend - Friday night after school/work Kieran had a good day so we went to the rec center's Fun Friday. Mia was so tired afterwards she didn't even want bedtime stories, just a chance to sleep. Saturday we spent an hour and a half at the playground, followed by lunch, followed by the Fairtale Festival at the main branch of the library (which requires a bus ride). By the end of the day, Mia again was exhausted (so was Kieran) but both had a great time. Saturday night, however, was AWFUL. Amelia slept fine from 7-10 pm but was then up off and on until 2:30 AM. She woke up at 6. I had to get up at 5 to be sure I could shower before the kids woke up. So I was no fun on Sunday. There was a lot of yelling involved until Ken got home and I could get Kieran out of the house (Mia refused to go anywhere after shopping, but also would not nap for me). Some time at the playground followed by the dinner out was just what the doctor ordered. Everyone slept well last night.

Now, back to our crazy everyday lives. Sorry it's been awhile. I still need to post some newer pics of the kids. I will endeavor to do that in the next month.